"you called it ... happily ever after" // story .2. // pt. 3

 

"you called it ... happily ever after"

// story .2. // pt. 3

(submitted by: ebony)

I kept my back to his face. I knew what words rested in his eyes and the harsh lines of his thin mouth. Anger. Resentment. Fear. I had seen it many times before. I took in a deep breath and steadied my voice.

"Well then, I guess I'm not going Alex."

The sharp intake of breath and shifting of limbs, I could hear him change positions behind me, I was sure his fists would be clenched at his sides and his brows knit together. He was desperately holding back his own urge to grab me, force me, whatever it was that held him back kept his limbs and tongue in check now. I kept walking, we had almost reached the hill and the climb upward would make me lose my breath. I vowed inwardly to make this as short a walk as necessary.

He remained silent until we had walked all the way up the path and stood at the top, the wind blowing a comforting breeze against my hot face. It was cold, just late spring but already my limbs were frozen. 

"When do you leave?" I asked, finally - willing the silence to stop.

"Sunday morning. It's an eight hour drive so I want to start early." 

"Oh," I forced a smile and turned to face him. "Well I hope you have a fun trip. I guess after today I'll see you Saturday at the hike then before you leave?" 

His eyes flashed for a moment. I knew he was shocked I was still going through with my decision not to go with him. But Colorado was so far away, and a whole week away from my family, alone with another man - even if he was my boyfriend - felt too much. And Alex had firmly answered my request to bring my 16 year old brother along as a chaperone, with a resounding "NO!" He had thrown the word at me like a whip.

I looked back up at him, the memory of his anger and the sting of his response still in my mind. 

"It's ok, I forgive you." He whispered. His eyes looked at me with a strange glow. I swallowed and stilled, my body rooted in place by my own apprehension.

He moved towards me and stopped when he stood just in front. And then with a smirk he drew me into his arms.

A hug.

What kind of response was this? Had he not ten minutes ago asked me to go with him on a trip and I had said no? He had been seething, furious! And now he held me with a thin smile on his lips and the stiffness of his hands against my back. It felt more like a prison than a soft embrace.

What was he trying to do? Make peace with me? 

I sent bumpy prayers to heaven for the strength to understand, to be loving, to somehow... forgive? Was that was I was desperately searching for? God! I cried in my heart, what do I do now?

I gave him a gentle squeeze, smiled politely, and pulled away. "Well," I said, "We should probably walk back now..."

He nodded, and tried to take my hand. I pulled it away, pretending to adjust my loose hair behind my ears against the fluttering wind. It was a good excuse, but my reluctance was noted. I had never refused his hand before.

The rest of the walk was strange. We had a polite, small conversation about the weather, the fields around the hill now blooming with the green and gold of the season. His face was changed, it was cold, but there grew a glint in his eyes akin to satisfaction. Something that made my heart shrivel inside grew within this man's mind, shooting roots and branches like arrows in the rafters of his thoughts and motions. What was it that motivated him? What was he planning when his eyes glowed red with power and he possessively took my hand again to lead me through the waving grasses of the valley? 

I shivered.

When we returned to the house he left shortly after, gathering his coat and wallet and smiling and talking about anything light.

His face when he left the house chilled me. His smile when he looked down at me was confident, and he patted my head. "Well," he said cheerfully, "I'll see you on Saturday then. I've got to go home and get ready for the trip. I have a lot of things to do before I leave. I won't have time to talk to you till then, so... goodnight." And then he walked away. I felt his smile hanging in the evening air like a shadow. Was he acting this way to make me feel guilty, jealous, lonely, or weaken my resolve?

Alex was a man who would always win. Defeat had happened to him once before because of a woman, and never would again. All others would bow.... or be removed like a splinter.

He would have all of me ... or nothing at all.

His dreams were all that was important, perhaps my blind admiration had made it so. I wanted to please him, to make him happy. Even if it meant pushing boundaries a few times that I never should have loosened. I let him lead always, where we went on dates, what we ate, what I wore, who I met and talked to. He controlled so much already. Except my pride... and my sense of safety behind a stainless reputation that I would rather die than tarnish. My only defense, my only remaining strength to refuse his all powerful will.

I waved to him as he climbed into his car and turned back to the doorway. I wasn't going to watch him drive away. Something was shifting between us, I felt it move like a snake slithering, winding around, slipping away under a rock.

I stood on the back doorstep for a while, breathing in the air around me, searching for something to help me understand my emotions.

"Sarah, I'm leaving in a few days to head over to my parent's place in Colorado. I'll be gone for about a week." I remembered his words like the echo of a ghost. "I want you to come with me." His voice sounded like this was a suggestion but the words were final. I had to go.

"I would love to go!" I had said to him eagerly. In truth, I did want to go. "Would it be ok if I brought my brother Daniel along? He would have so much fun with us and it would make me feel more comfortable if I had him join us on the trip."

His head has snapped over to look at me like the movement of a soldier readying for an attack. "NO," he snapped. I was shot through. I looked at him with shock and my pride was pricked. No? How dare he yell at me like that! Why was he so against me bringing my little brother along?

"Why not?" I asked, my eyes wide with surprise. 

Alex started back and cleared his throat. "I just don't think it's necessary for him to come. I mean, we are both adults. We plan on getting married anyways, why is it such a big deal to bring him along?"

"I know where you are coming from," I said. "But Alex, you have to understand that I grew up very conservatively. Of all my family members, reputation is very important to me. I trust you, and so does my family, but if other people knew we had gone to another state together, alone, for a whole week, my reputation as a young woman would be altered. People would talk. It may not seem important or valid to you, but it is to me. Besides, we aren't even engaged yet, let alone married. It just wouldn't be proper, you see. Please understand and be patient with me, Alex. I would love to go with you! But Daniel would need to come with us."

"Then maybe you shouldn't come then?" He seethed. "I just think we are adults and don't need to be chaperoned all the time..."

"We have a lot of freedoms!"I cried, interrupting. "We are always alone, and rarely chaperoned Alex! This is just one request from me, only one. Please understand, it's not you, it's me that would feel more comfortable being held accountable by having Daniel there. He is easy to get along with and won't plague us the whole time. I just would feel better and more appropriate if he came."

"No. It's just us or not at all." His words were final, I could tell by the ice in his gaze. He had stopped walking and stood like a tree behind me in the field. My feet froze. I knew he wouldn't understand, didn't want to. It would be his way or not at all.

God! I cried in my heart. Why do I love this man? Why do I feel like if I trust You to give him up to you and stand for my morals he will slip away completely? I don't know if I will be strong enough to bear it!

"Why do I even care so much? What is about him that makes me fear losing him?" I sighed and touched the doorknob, turning it slowly to the right until it clicked open.

"Regain your composure, Sarah," I commanded my emotions. I cleared my throat, stood tall, and stepped inside.

God had a plan, I didn't know where it led. Why did this one moment feel like the turn of the tide of my future? 

I closed the door behind me and turned the lock.

///