Alive to God and Dead to Me

Dear Friends,

I just feel like I need to share with you the most radical thing that has happened to me recently.

I truly believe that God has just opened my eyes and my heart. I am so amazed at His goodness!

It happened today while I was at work. I had just finished putting all of the children in my room at the daycare down for nap, and the room was quiet and peaceful. I was thankful that I had listened to the Holy Spirit inside of me urging me that morning to take my book "No Compromise" by Melody Green with me to work instead of the more frivolous one I had been into of late. I sat down and began reading where I left off at a few days before. It was the part of the book where Keith Green (a famous and godly singer/musician) is at this Christian Youth Festival. They were excited because about 35,000 youth came, and yet, something was missing.
          It wasn't until the end of the day when a young girl approached them. She had tears in her eyes as she spoke; "Excuse me, but I've felt a little grieved during this festival, because it doesn't seem like God has been given a chance to speak what's on His heart. There's been no breakthrough. We've had counseling tents and prayer meetings, but nobody from the stage has said anything about getting right with God."
      After she left. it became clear what they felt had been missing. Confirming what Keith was feeling in his heart, he remembered what the girl had said as he got on the stage to sing. As he stood there staring out at the sea of young, uplifted faces, God just flowed through Him and the words He spoke  struck me through the heart. He said,

"Have you ever felt the Lord was sad? Most people think, 'No, no, the Lord's always happy'. Well, tonight I was praying and I kind of felt the Lord inside me, weeping. So I started to cry.
    "And I got to thinking about all the people that give God one day a week. How would you like it if your wife gave you one day a week? 'Well dear, I'm here for the weekly visit.' People like to visit God from ten to eleven on Sunday mornings...."

He went on to quote the old Testament verse that says "These people draw near with their words and honor me with their lips, but they remove their hearts far from me." I felt a sharp pangs of guilt as I read those words. So many times I have sung His praises while my heart and mind where elsewhere. How could I be so selfish? How could I follow Christ if I was not giving Him my all?
One of Keith Green's songs (To Obey is Better than Sacrifice) says,

"To obey is better than sacrifice
I want hearts of fire
Not your prayers of ice
And I'm coming quickly
To give back to you
According to what you have done"

Keith went on to say "what if your wife said 'I love you' but you knew she didn't honor you in her heart? That you weren't the most important person on earth to her. And in fact, she had a couple of other men she like to look at and think about more than you. How sick would it be for you to hear, 'Oh darling, I love you!' What do the words 'I love you' mean?
              "If you praise and worship Jesus with your mouth and your life does not praise and worship Him, there's something wrong. I don't want you to go away from here under condemnation. But I want you to get broken before God, because unless you're a broken vessel He can't put you back together the way He wants you....
              "How many of us care about the people living next door to us? How many of your neighbors have never seen anything more than a little fish on your car? They think you work at the fish market... what's going on? As for me, I repent of having made a record or ever sung a song unless it's provoked people to follow Jesus, to lay down their whole life before Him, to give Him everything. It doesn't cost you much to follow Jesus ------- just everything!"

Stinging through the word was my own sin. All the ugliness of my pride and selfishness came vividly back to my mind as I read the words to another of Keith's songs.

"My eyes are dry, my faith is old,

Me heart is hard, my prayers are cold.

And I know how I ought to be----

Alive to You, and dead to me.

Oh, what can be done with an old heart like mine?

Soften it up with oil and wine!

The oil is you, Your Spirit of love,

Please wash me anew in the wine of Your blood...."

Part of the last of Keith' powerful talk hit me and opened my eyes in a whole new way.

"The requirement for salvation is not just a prayer. The requirement is an open, totally empty heart that's ready to be full of Jesus Christ. After saying 'the sinner's prayer' --- if in a few months your friends can't tell that you're born again, if your relatives can't see a change in you, if your teacher can't see that you're a Christian, you're probably not!
       "Because let me tell you something, when some one's born again, they get excited! It changes the way they live, what they do, how they speak, how they act, --- it's all different!   Then how come it looks the same? How come Christians are trying to ride the line? I challenge everybody who calls himself a Christian which means 'little Christ', to live as Jesus did. Or else Somebody might say 'I never knew You' ..........
         
       " I'm gonna get on my knees every day and say 'God, search my heart and see if there be any wicked way in me. I don't want to go astray. I want to be with you.' "

God spoke to me through Keith's words as I sat there in that large, quiet daycare room. My heart was pounding and I suddenly felt like I needed to accept Jesus again. Not as the young, innocent five-year old, speaking out with the tender simplicity of a child, this time was different. I prayed and re-accepted Jesus as a young woman, opening my heart completely to His will. Allowing the strength of Christ to flow through me and cleanse me. My heart just melted under His love, and I could feel the Holy Spirit filling me with joy. And I just overflowed with rejoicing! 

I just needed to share with you the wonderful thing that has happened to me! I feel reborn and renewed! Oh--- if you feel as I do, then I urge you to give your life to Christ! Empty yourself of everything and give Him it all! He loves you so very much, my friend!

"Make my life a prayer to you.

I wanna do what You want me to.

No empty word

And no white lies,

No token prayers,

No compromise......."